November 15, 2016 at 4:36 pm
1. You have a great demeanor and presentation-voice. Engaging to listen to and very comfortable.
2. Your intro is almost 4 minutes, I would suggest telling only one story maybe, and maybe when you’re describing your setting, instead of full sentences, you could state the observations in short poetic fragments, for more power and to shave off some time.
3. Be prepared for a lot of counterargument. In the beginning, it’s hard to tell where you stand because you both attack and defend the practice of photography interchangeably. Maybe the real issue is about balance? Or encouraging personalized ways of experiencing nature? (Because personally, photography is my way of experiencing nature, and Im sure everyone has different preferred methods of interacting with nature). Are you anti-technology only when it comes to nature? What about people who use technology for experiencing things in life? Also, you talk about a sketch that you drew at the conservatory and how that helped you remember and experience that setting, but isn’t a sketch similar to taking a photo, since they are both visual “interpretations” ?
Sorry I’m only trying to understand fully, and it kind of gets more clear to me toward the end, but maybe have some clear statements on the slides so people track with ya.
November 15, 2016 at 5:49 pm
1. Introduction: I definitely think you need to shorten your introduction. You engaged me with the question: “of the following stories, tell me which one you connect with more personally.” I don’t think you should use this technique, or at least rephrase it for two reasons: one, people may connect with the two stories for different reasons (ie. they have been to Vail or like mountains more than the other photo). The other reason is because you don’t go back to this question to see which one people connected with.
2. Main points: I think your icons are a bit vague. The arrow could look more like the social media “share” arrow for clarification. Also, it makes sense that your main points are opinionated, but I think they need more support from your research beyond your personal experiences, because I think the audience could have a tendency to react “that’s fine and true for you, but it isn’t true for me or for everyone.”
Let me know if these comments don’t make sense, I’m happy to clarify what I mean!
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