I thought your presentation was really strong and I was engaged the whole time! I thought it was very interesting and I enjoyed how you touched on some myths of art therapy because I’ve heard those before and thought that was how art therapy was, causing me to have a slightly negative view of it and make me feel like if I don’t have an “acceptable” or good enough reason to try art therapy. I enjoyed how you related growing up to stricter boundaries in art. Like you were saying, at first it’s okay to be expressive but then we grow up and are told to stay in the lines and I thought that was an engaging way of talking about growing up. It makes it really easy for people can relate to while still keeping the idea of art in their minds. The issue of anxiety and providing art therapy for everyone in order to help promote mental health is really clear throughout.
This may be a dumb question but what are some of the benefits of growing new neurons? It was one of the last statements before your conclusion and I wasn’t sure how it related to anxiety and mental health. Maybe a statement there that briefly unpacks the benefits of that would help provide a smoother transition and also clarify the statement. Not sure, just a suggestion.
Also, is the audience just adults with anxiety or adults in general?
Type on slides is way too small. Create more slides with less text so that they flow along with what you are saying and highlight the main points.
at 00:51, explicitly say you had a panic attack, then say why they are scary. It could be very quick: “I had a panic attack.” But naming what your talking about will tie the story to what you are saying next.
01:46 Make a slide with statistics and include citations. I would move the bulk of this point to your body. It’s too detailed for the introduction. You develop credibility by telling your personal story with anxiety.
At this point, I think you’ve drifted from your original outline, and I had a hard time following. I went into your detailed outline and rearranged a few things to hopefully help with the flow. Go to your outline post and try reading through the content in that order.
Senior Proposal 
November 13, 2016 at 5:42 am
I thought your presentation was really strong and I was engaged the whole time! I thought it was very interesting and I enjoyed how you touched on some myths of art therapy because I’ve heard those before and thought that was how art therapy was, causing me to have a slightly negative view of it and make me feel like if I don’t have an “acceptable” or good enough reason to try art therapy. I enjoyed how you related growing up to stricter boundaries in art. Like you were saying, at first it’s okay to be expressive but then we grow up and are told to stay in the lines and I thought that was an engaging way of talking about growing up. It makes it really easy for people can relate to while still keeping the idea of art in their minds. The issue of anxiety and providing art therapy for everyone in order to help promote mental health is really clear throughout.
This may be a dumb question but what are some of the benefits of growing new neurons? It was one of the last statements before your conclusion and I wasn’t sure how it related to anxiety and mental health. Maybe a statement there that briefly unpacks the benefits of that would help provide a smoother transition and also clarify the statement. Not sure, just a suggestion.
Also, is the audience just adults with anxiety or adults in general?
I really liked it and your idea is very exciting!
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November 13, 2016 at 9:45 pm
Type on slides is way too small. Create more slides with less text so that they flow along with what you are saying and highlight the main points.
at 00:51, explicitly say you had a panic attack, then say why they are scary. It could be very quick: “I had a panic attack.” But naming what your talking about will tie the story to what you are saying next.
01:46 Make a slide with statistics and include citations. I would move the bulk of this point to your body. It’s too detailed for the introduction. You develop credibility by telling your personal story with anxiety.
At this point, I think you’ve drifted from your original outline, and I had a hard time following. I went into your detailed outline and rearranged a few things to hopefully help with the flow. Go to your outline post and try reading through the content in that order.
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